Consistency.

Consistency is something that is much harder to obtain than I realized. I have been trying to be continuously consistent with everything I do.

Writing, house chores, managing the budget, creating a routine, sticking to the routine, ect.

The fact that the only thing I remain consistant with is inconsistantcy has lead me to evaluate myself. Trying to find a deeper meaning or an underlining cause as to why I am struggling so hard. I have taken psychology tests and tried to delve into my own being only to find answers that I can’t help but feel would be nothing more than excuses. 

I don’t want to see things that are with my personality and play the blame game for my problems. I don’t want to focus on the negitives that I find and tell myself, “Oh, that’s why I am so lazy.” Or, “I am a high functioning autistic, these are the things I just have to accept.”

I wont, can’t, and utterly refuse to accept that I can’t change or find a better way! I am a person who strives for perfection knowing that it is unreachable but I reach all the same. I am a person who is not willing to give in to the mundane and settle on something others would find “acceptable” 

I truly believe and feel it deep down in my very core being that I am someone who is going to slip from the day to day life and reach into the darkness and pry my very life out of the the shadows and forcefully shove myself into the light of society.

Alas, as I write this do I find myself inconsistent once again. My blog here was supposed to be about consistantcy and it blossomed into my overactive imagination taking hold of my very fingers. My fingers flew across the keys but I found what remained after my flurry was the very thing I was just complaining about.

This is yet another failure to tack onto my belt. However, it will not hold me back. Strive for a better tomorrow by learning what not to do today.